You First

I’ll admit I have some serious trust issues.. to put it plainly my trust issues got trust issues. 

I think depending on how your life started out and how relationships unfolded around you. Trust will either come naturally to you or it may not come at all. Due to circumstances surrounding my childhood and key relationships that were supposed to build the emotional tool called trust failing to do so I was left with what we peg as having Trust Issues. 

My Trust issues were not that of a generalized nature however.. oh no, like anything else that I experienced, it seemed as though they were definite and absolute. No trust for no one.

So it’s no wonder that the same trust issues I displayed in my relationships with men and with society as a whole would show up in my “relationship with God” or the lack thereof. Stunting my spiritual growth and retarding my advancement toward fulfilling my purpose and reaching my destiny. Wow. I just said a lot, I know.

If you’ll allow me to unpack this bag, I’ll unfold just how my trust issues and how your trust issues have created a disconnect with the very thing we must be connected to with in order to fulfill our dreams and conquer our demons. Or if that is too spiritual for you let me rephrase. We all have goals that we want to reach and obstacles that we want to overcome. 

Failing to have trust in yourself, failing to trust God and failing to trust people has a crippling effect on our progress. Trust issues make you weak, they make you vulnerable and it causes stagnation. 

I wanted to tell you how I learned to initiate a trust relationship with God, which strengthened the trust and confidence in myself and is now currently enabling me to begin trusting humans. 

As looked back at the many hardships and traumas I faced in my childhood. Compounded with knowing what I know in regards to statistics and cause and effect relating to how abused children operate in the world (not so good). I had a lot of questions for God. I had absolutely no understanding as to why he would allow me to endure and be subject to the hurt and pain that I sustained. For many years my prayers to God were “Why would you do that??” And because I was so stuck in the pain I decided to reject God. I decided that He wasn’t REALLY on my team because of those losses I took in my early years. Not really ever taking into account how I overcame them all.

Not trusting people and not trusting God just left me to depend on me and I was too mentally unstable to trust myself. My emotions were fleeting. I’d be up one day and down the next. So I knew in order to bring some order and structure into my life I was going to have to trust SOMEONE and seeing how mankind was not eligible AT ALL. I looked at Gods track record with how he had always came through for me and decided to bet on him. 

Matthew 22:37 says Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  I didn’t have a love problem so to speak, I loved God, you could ask anyone and they could tell you that about me. I needed God to help me learn how to trust him.  At the time there were a lot of posts on social media saying Trust is more important than love and I believe it because you cannot have true love without trust. You can have like an If you died I’d cry type of love, but not the real thing. 

As I prayed to God that he cultivate a trust relationship between he and I. He began to show me how you learn to build trust. One word. Obedience. 

Rolls eyes.. not one of my favorite words. Also kinda not one of my strong suits. But as I began to practice obedience it was like a muscle of trust. Every time I used my obedience my trust would become stronger. I had to make the first move though. I would take a step and he would lay another brick I would do it again and the same thing would happen. Until now we’ve created something substantial on which I can stand. 

I can rest not having to have it all figured out or really anything figured out but my trust and entire future is in Gods hands. I just rest and obey, it’s so much easier this way. People often say that I have a glow and it’s because I’m rested up. I’m not trying to do everything and thinking the World is against me, but even if the whole World is against me. It’s cool because I know it doesn’t matter who or what is against me God is for me. 

I’ll end on this note.. I’m not a special case, we’ve all been disappointed by GOD, by our parents, our spouses, and life but you can have trust again. You must have trust again, it’s the key that unlocks the door to your resting place of your mind.  I pray you reclaim your peace and find a way to trust again. 

Jeremiah 17:7-8

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.

They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

4 comments

    1. I’m glad you found my blog helpful Sandra and we all need to learn to trust God it’s a day by day and hour by hour process for some of us. But if you desire to trust him. He desires to prove that you can. Peace and Blessings.

      Like

  1. All so true, there are many disappointments in life,BUT GOD will see us through them all, if we just hold to His unchanging hands. Romans 8:28
    we may not understand it all, BUT GOD is our healer and He is FAITHFUL, if we just trust Him.
    AMEN

    Liked by 1 person

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