It Was Me

If you’ve read any of my blogs there seems to be at least one mention per blog of how in some way shape or form I’ve been victimized, abused, talked about and misused. And those are facts.. those things did happen to me and as a result I internalized those things which created my dark world that I escaped from and now write about. However,  there are facts and then there’s the truth. 

The truth is, in writing my depiction of events I get to tell my side of the story often shedding light on my strengths and the poor  behavior and motives of others.  But today I think it only fair that I set the record straight.  That if the people I’ve been in relationships with whether it be close friends, family, exes, or co-workers got an opportunity to take pen in hand there are stories to be told of my own toxic behavior, of how I victimized, and abused my boyfriends, how I played the villain and betrayed friends that put their trust in me. How I disappointed mentors that put time, money and energy into me. It Was Me. 

We often try to justify our actions believing that at our core we have a heart of gold. But truth be told you have a heart of whatever it is you’re full of at the moment. Maybe it’s fear, resentment, bitterness, or envy. 

I used to think I had a heart of gold also. Even my wrongs were right in my eyes, but in hind sight I had a heart of pride, and a heart of unforgiveness. Every petty word, and manipulative deed was just a manifestation of my pride and unforgiveness. 

I left a trail of broken hearts and wounded spirits on my journey towards healing. Misled boyfriends.. Ghosted close friends. When I wasn’t busy healing I was busy hurting. If I could mend every wound or apologize to every hurt emotion I would. 

I wanted to tell you It Was Me, I admit my wrongs and I’ve confronted them and I’ve forgiven myself for them. It’s a big part of my healing. Putting to death those  twins Guilt and Shame. That would have you hide your faults so that THEY would Lord over you and hold you back from true freedom. 

I wanted to tell you, you are not the sum of your mistakes but in wholeness we must face them, address them,then let them go. 

I’m now in a place of repentance so I’m no longer holding on to the emotions attached with those actions, which has strengthened me enough to tell you.. IT WAS ME.

#HeartCheckHeartCheckOneTwoOneTwo

#ItWasMe #ItWasYoutoo #ConfrontthePain 

10 comments

  1. Beautiful Eryca and very well spoken you are truly speaking for most of us with this one and I appreciate being able to read this aloud and speak this into myself. Thank you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Enjoyed this truly. One of the hardest things you stated is forgiving one’s self. I’m happy for you that you’ve been able to doit and be so transparent that it may help others as well! I hope the source of your creativity continues to flow through you openly and freely!

    Liked by 1 person

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